1 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:07,722 Hello, how're you? 2 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:11,087 I'm Fearest Gump. 3 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:16,660 Hi, care for a shockolate? 4 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,534 You sure? 5 00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:30,347 Mummy always said life is like a box of shockolates. 6 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,853 You never know what you're gonna get. 7 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,948 Sometimes you get a fudge scream. 8 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,958 Sometimes you get new guts. 9 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:46,959 Know what else Mummy said? 10 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:53,204 She said, "Scary is as scary does." 11 00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:58,241 Which brings to mind the man in tonight's terror tale. 12 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:03,407 He's just dying to get out of the mess he's in. 13 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,244 Literally. 14 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:12,050 It's a little piece of horrid candy I call 15 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,887 "You, Murderer." 16 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:17,223 They say when you die, that you're supposed to see this intense white light. 17 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:21,818 You're supposed to walk into it like it was the gates of heaven or something. 18 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,126 At least, that's the way I always heard it. 19 00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:27,656 Well, I'm dead and so far I've seen a lot of things 20 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,467 but some cockamamie white light ain't one of them. 21 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,139 That's right, I'm dead. 22 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,204 And one thing I can definitely tell you about it. 23 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,406 It ain't like I expected it to be. 24 00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,307 Stick around, you might learn a thing or two. 25 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,848 Just a couple of hours ago I was alive as the rest of you 26 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,254 and then, seemed like destiny had taken a hand. 27 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:55,687 - Seems that destiny has taken a hand. - What was that, Mr. Spinelli? 28 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,361 It's destiny that today of all days, 29 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:03,233 you, doll, have come up with a campaign that's gonna save this company. 30 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,333 What was that slogan again? 31 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,101 Here's looking at you, kid. 32 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,508 I like it, Erika. It's got a familiar ring to it. 33 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:14,479 Thanks, Mr. Spinelli. Now, the way the campaign will work is this. 34 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:18,276 - Let me just make sure everything is... - Thanks, Jimmy. 35 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:20,853 Okay. 36 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,284 The first billboard will say, 37 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,126 "Here's looking at ewe, kid." 38 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,726 Spelled E-W-E. 39 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:31,422 - Then... - That's pretty good, baby. 40 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,097 Here's looking at you, kid. 41 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:38,997 - You know, kid, goat. - Sure. That's swell, Erika. 42 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,930 Okay, and the third one... 43 00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:45,567 - Hare's looking at you, kid. - That's good, very good. I like it. 44 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,177 - Geez, is that the time? - It's 9:30. 45 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,084 Mr. Spinelli, call for you on three. 46 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,449 It was hard to hear, I think they said it was Oscar. 47 00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,152 Oscar, huh? That's strange. 48 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,120 Excuse me, everybody. I'll be right with you. 49 00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:13,538 - Oscar? - No, Lou, it's Betty. 50 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:19,009 Surprised to hear my voice? 51 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:23,082 I'm supposed to be dead, aren't I? Aren't I, Lou? 52 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:24,813 - I hear... - Your pal Oscar 53 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,181 sent a couple of goons over here to kill me. 54 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,365 - I hear... - But, I've got bad news for you. 55 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,017 - I hear what you're... - It didn't work. 56 00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,457 - You hear me, Lou? - Listen. 57 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,189 This won't do any good. 58 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,257 You'll never understand me, but I'll try once then give it up. 59 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,235 Don't bother, Lou. I'm calling the police. 60 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:47,206 You're going to jail. Do you hear me, Lou? To jail. 61 00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:56,581 Lou, are you okay? 62 00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,016 - Lou? - Yeah, everything's all right, Erika. 63 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,851 Just a little emergency at home, that's all. 64 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,085 - Mr. Spinelli... - Everything's okay. 65 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,493 - Mr. Spinelli, are you all right? - Everything's fine, Erika. 66 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:18,071 In the part of town where I grew up, you did what you had to do to survive, 67 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,766 whether it was legal or not. 68 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,933 I robbed, cheated, even killed. 69 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:26,278 I did a lot of hard time before I got wise to what a sucker's game it was. 70 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,373 Unfortunately, no one was offering second chances, 71 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,042 so I busted out of the joint, 72 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:35,578 got a new name and a new face and put my past behind me. 73 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,681 At least, I thought I did. 74 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,363 - She knows? - Yeah, she knows. 75 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,295 What makes you so sure? 76 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:51,338 Somebody sent her those pictures in the mail. She knows all about me. 77 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:54,238 Who I was, what I've done, the whole rap sheet. 78 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:58,472 And there's only one other person in the world who knows the words to that song. 79 00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:01,776 Is that a joke? You think that I... 80 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,713 I'm the one that performed plastic surgery on you. 81 00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:08,744 - I'm the guy that changed your face! - Yeah, and made me look like Bogart. 82 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,723 You know how hard that was? 83 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:14,056 It would have been easier to make you look like Gabby Hayes. 84 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,489 How could you think it was me? 85 00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:17,690 You're still a wanted man. 86 00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,064 Every police department in the country wants to get its hands on you. 87 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,833 And I'm your accomplice. If you go down, I go down. 88 00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:27,738 Why would I spill my guts to anyone, let alone your wife? 89 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,708 Keep your pants on, Oscar. 90 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,575 Now, look, I may have been a little too hasty. 91 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:36,747 Okay, you're the doctor. What do we do? 92 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:40,952 If she's wise to us, there's only one thing we can do. 93 00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:45,286 - Kill her. - Kill her? 94 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,583 Don't be screwy. 95 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,485 I know a few guys. 96 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,957 Might cost a little money, but they'll take care of it. 97 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,661 You're starting to scare me, Oscar. 98 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:58,330 And they'll make it look like a break-in, or an accident. 99 00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:01,136 An unfortunate mishap while you were at the office. 100 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,402 You're talking crazy. 101 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,376 Don't go soft on me, Lou. 102 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:07,710 We did it for each other then, we do it for each other now. 103 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,617 I know that. 104 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,447 Look, I'm not in love with the idea. 105 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,816 I know that, too. 106 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:20,354 But what's our alternative, Lou? The electric chair? 107 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,060 I wish you hadn't said that. 108 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,498 That Oscar, he sure had a way with words. 109 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,802 He was almost as good with them as he was with a scalpel. 110 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:37,275 He always was the smart one, that's why he stayed in school. 111 00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:40,142 Got off the streets and never went to the big house. 112 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:42,380 The big house. 113 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:46,284 There was one thing I had promised myself the last time I was inside. 114 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,082 I ain't never going back. 115 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,554 I know what you're thinking. 116 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,321 "What's this mug complaining about? 117 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:57,023 "He did wrong and he got what he deserved." 118 00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,299 But I tried hard to be Joe above average citizen. 119 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:04,827 I built a successful business, paid my taxes without griping. 120 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,163 I even did charity work. 121 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,942 Unfortunately, I made one other mistake 122 00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:15,311 that brought down the whole house of cards. 123 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:16,474 Betty. 124 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,986 I'd married a monster and no matter what little good I did, 125 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:23,353 she was determined to punish me for saying, "I do." 126 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:33,156 I had no idea what was waiting for me when I walked through my front door. 127 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,503 But whatever it was, I was ready for it. 128 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:56,517 My senses weren't just tingling, they were chiming like church bells. 129 00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:59,826 But where were the cops? Where the hell was Betty? 130 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,331 And then I saw it. 131 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,836 A body lying on the sun room floor. 132 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,845 Betty must have gotten the drop on him. 133 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,375 Oh, no, Oscar. 134 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:30,481 - Drop the gun, Lou. - Oscar, what the hell is going on? 135 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:31,752 I said, drop it. 136 00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:34,225 All right, relax. I'm dropping it. 137 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,095 - Betty. - Hello, Lou. 138 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:44,368 - Good work, sweetheart. - How long has this been going on? 139 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:49,535 Almost a year. Not that you've noticed. 140 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:53,273 But what the hell, it's one of the things that I came to love about you. 141 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:56,282 That and your predictability. 142 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,319 I told Oscar you were gonna be here in eight minutes. 143 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,218 And you made it in seven and a half. 144 00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:05,616 Pretty good time for a man who's about to kill himself. 145 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,058 - Get up. - Kill myself? 146 00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,925 - Go on, get up. - Now, why would I do that? 147 00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:10,996 Over to the couch. 148 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,224 Hey, that's a good-looking rod you've got there, Oscar. 149 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,290 Move it! 150 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,895 And I got a feeling it ain't your finger on the trigger, is it? 151 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:24,235 I'd been set up and the plan was a beaut. Hell, it was perfect. 152 00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:28,236 You could sure make a case that I had every reason to kill myself. 153 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,840 They even found an audience for me. 154 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,580 Are you okay, Lou? 155 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,144 Was there anyone in that boardroom 156 00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:38,055 who didn't think my whole world had just come to an end? 157 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,855 Let me tell you, sweetheart, they had me. 158 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:45,724 I'm disappointed, Oscar. It's one thing when your wife double-crosses you. 159 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:49,999 You expect that. But your best friend? Now, that hurts. 160 00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,368 - And I thought you had class. - What do you mean... 161 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,839 Relax, honey. Don't let him rile you. 162 00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:02,305 You'll be pleased. Your suicide note is rather eloquent. 163 00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:06,080 - I almost cried when I wrote it. - I'm touched. 164 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,945 You know, you won't get the life insurance if I kill myself. 165 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:12,083 I know. That's two million we have to do without. 166 00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:13,387 Isn't that right, honey? 167 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,553 There's no point in being greedy. 168 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,321 I'm gonna call the car. 169 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:26,668 Sit down, Lou. 170 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:29,740 I said, sit down. 171 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:33,769 Here. 172 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,912 Have a drink. 173 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:44,849 Great bug juice. 174 00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:47,689 What is this? Some sort of a Jim Jones cocktail? 175 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,023 Drink up, Lou. 176 00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,366 Sometimes, chum, you go soft-headed. 177 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,699 I'd like to see any blonde do that to me. She's got you crazy. 178 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,068 You're wasting your breath, Lou. Come on. 179 00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:03,542 It'll be quick. Heck, you're my best friend. I wouldn't make you suffer. 180 00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,977 - I'm glad friendship counts for something. - I'm waiting, Lou. 181 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:12,884 And then it hit me. Their plan required a massive dose of poison in my system. 182 00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:15,654 Not a slug from a .45. 183 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,157 You know, Oscar, I don't think you'll do it. 184 00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,086 Oh, no? 185 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,221 No, but go ahead and shoot. You'll be doing me a favor. 186 00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,359 Here's looking at you, kid. 187 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,207 Nice move, Lou. You learn that in prison? 188 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:40,940 No, that's a little trick I picked up in Benny's shooting gallery in Coney Island. 189 00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,619 And if you don't quit stalling, I'll show 190 00:14:42,643 --> 00:14:44,393 you some other tricks I learned in Brooklyn. 191 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,476 No! 192 00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:08,430 In that first moment, with the whiteness all around me, 193 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,841 I felt kind of peaceful. 194 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,877 I wondered, am I dazed, 195 00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:22,683 - paralyzed, or am I... - He's dead. 196 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,280 - He's dead? - He's dead. 197 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,586 Are you sure? 198 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:30,161 No pulse. No breathing. 199 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,457 His pupils are dilated. He's dead, all right. 200 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,969 Well, ain't that a kick in the ass. 201 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:40,939 If he's dead, how come he looks like he can still see us? 202 00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:44,171 - Yeah. It's creepy. - It was a lot more than creepy. 203 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:45,541 Let's get him up. 204 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,011 It was screwy. 205 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,317 Come on, get his feet. 206 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,843 None of it made any sense, the white light was gone. 207 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:59,256 My soul, as far as I could tell, hadn't risen from my body. 208 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,817 - Put him down. - What the hell was going on? 209 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,591 So far, death was full of surprises. 210 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,929 - I could still see, still hear. - Damn! 211 00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:08,490 Damn! Damn! 212 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,727 - And I sure as hell could feel. - What is the matter? 213 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,568 Look at him, he's got a dent in his head. 214 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,108 What did he do, beat himself to death? 215 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:18,303 Let's throw him off the balcony, say he jumped. 216 00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:21,541 He better hit a piece of naked sculpture on the way down. 217 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:24,577 The guy's got a pair of nipples punched in the top of his head. 218 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,209 The police aren't that stupid. 219 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:28,413 Why the hell did you hit him with a statue? 220 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,083 Well, I'm sorry. I was trying to help, all right? 221 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,626 So Betty had hit me with the Picasso. 222 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,026 I always said it made quite an impression. 223 00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,121 Oh, the whole plan's screwed up. 224 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:42,026 Our alibi, everything... This is never gonna look like a suicide! 225 00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:45,027 Okay, okay. 226 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:48,040 What if he didn't commit suicide? 227 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,202 What if he just disappeared? We get rid of the body. 228 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,911 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. 229 00:16:55,248 --> 00:17:00,209 He was afraid the cops were onto him so he ran, he vanished without a trace. 230 00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:01,845 If anybody asks you, you don't know. 231 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,651 Nobody knows, it's perfect. 232 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,055 Come on. Let's get his feet. 233 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:08,458 Being dead was beginning to scare me. Where the hell was heaven? 234 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,464 Maybe my soul had already risen and I missed it. 235 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,433 - What are we doing? - We take him down to the garage. 236 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,629 I'll explain it when we get there. 237 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,433 When was Saint Peter gonna meet me at the Pearly Gates? 238 00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:20,700 The hell with him. 239 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,265 I would've settled for my Uncle Rosco waving me in. 240 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,373 Hello? Lou, are you there? 241 00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:30,314 - Who's that? - I don't know. 242 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,241 Lou? 243 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,849 Lou, are you all right? 244 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,686 Damn, now we have to open the door. 245 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,817 - Are you kidding? - We can't risk it. 246 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,794 - She might call the police. - Hello, is someone there? 247 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,263 - Lou. - We'll put him in the closet. 248 00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,463 Come on, come on. Help me out here. 249 00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,770 - Hello? - Here. 250 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,203 I'll get him. You stall her. 251 00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:59,040 - Lou! - I'm coming. 252 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:02,146 - Maybe this was karma at work. - Just wait a minute! 253 00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:06,879 Maybe God had a sense of humor and this was his idea of justice in the universe. 254 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,987 - Everything okay in there? - Just a minute. 255 00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:13,015 An eternity of being dragged around my apartment and dropped on my head. 256 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,620 If that was how death was going to be, I thought, I'm gonna kill myself. 257 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,358 Okay, open up. 258 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:25,935 Erika, what a surprise. What are you doing here? 259 00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,633 It was Erika, all right. 260 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,099 Is everything okay? I heard a crash. 261 00:18:30,176 --> 00:18:31,405 Right on cue. 262 00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:35,437 I tripped on the stairs, knocked over a lamp and broke a coffee table. 263 00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:36,573 I don't believe we've met. 264 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,845 I'm Oscar Charles. I'm a friend of the family. 265 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,045 Is Lou here? 266 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,920 I'm right over here, sweetheart, hanging in the closet like a side of beef. 267 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,222 He left the office in such a state. We're all very worried about him. 268 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,333 We haven't heard from him. 269 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,921 Actually, we were hoping that you could tell us where he is. 270 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:54,990 When I spoke to him this afternoon, he seemed very upset about something. 271 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,960 - Well, wait a minute, you're Oscar? - Yes. 272 00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:01,501 Well, just before Lou left, he got a phone call from somebody named Oscar. 273 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,975 Oh, that phone call. 274 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:07,445 I was calling Lou to tell him that someone was enquiring about his medical records. 275 00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,709 - Some gentleman from the FBI. - FBI? 276 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,259 - FBI? - Betty, I think we should tell her. 277 00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,842 - Tell her what? - Tell me what? 278 00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,786 Apparently, Lou is not the man we all thought he was. 279 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,290 He is a criminal on the run from the police, yeah. 280 00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:22,727 When I told him that the FBI was asking questions about him, he flipped. 281 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,424 Why don't you go on back to your office 282 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,542 - in case he tries to contact you. - That's a good idea. 283 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,077 - Betty and I are going to the police - We'll call you 284 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,846 - and see if there's anything - as soon as we know something. 285 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,110 - They know about all this. - We'll call you immediately. 286 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,845 This being dead was starting to give me a real headache. 287 00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:45,981 Lou, you bastard! You were having an affair with her. 288 00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:52,789 Here, we'll put one of these on his head. It'll hide the dents. 289 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,885 He was having an affair with her, I could see it in her eyes. 290 00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:58,340 Forget about it. We gotta think about getting him outta here. 291 00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,798 Oh, Oscar. 292 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,028 I don't know what's right any longer. 293 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,266 You have to do the thinking for both of us. 294 00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:08,898 Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time. 295 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,738 I can't believe I'm listening to this. 296 00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:22,952 With that damn hat stuck over my eyes, I couldn't see. 297 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,548 But I felt like they had crammed me into my car 298 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,719 and it sounded like they were headed pretty far out of town. 299 00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:33,061 I had decided that this wasn't hell. Hell couldn't possibly be this stupid. 300 00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:37,836 Anyway, I got to thinking about things like my old pal, Oscar. 301 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,633 Don't go soft on me, Lou. 302 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:44,410 We did it for each other then and we do it for each other now. 303 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,905 I know that. 304 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:50,639 At last now I know what he meant by, "Doing it to each other." 305 00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:54,175 And speaking of doing it, that got me thinking about Erika. 306 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,883 You see, Betty was right about Erika and me. 307 00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:01,359 Oh, Lou, you're the best, you know that? 308 00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:05,725 You're warm, sensitive, caring. 309 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,024 You're great in bed. 310 00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:12,533 What would you say if I told you I'll never leave you? 311 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,965 Nobody ever loved me that much. 312 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,041 And I did a lot of thinking about Betty. 313 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:24,243 Lou, you're a bastard. You're scum, you know that? 314 00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:29,152 You're cheap, insensitive, stupid and lousy in bed. 315 00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:32,680 What would you say if I told you I'm leaving you? 316 00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:35,050 Nobody ever loved me that much. 317 00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,994 I wouldn't exactly say I was getting used to being dead, 318 00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:42,330 but I was beginning to see a pattern. 319 00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:47,999 Hurry up. Get the other shovel. There's a spot over here. 320 00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:50,804 No, there's a spot down there, at the bottom of the hill. 321 00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:54,278 All right. Hurry up. We gotta get him in the ground before the sun comes up. 322 00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:56,872 Time was beginning to take forever. 323 00:21:56,949 --> 00:22:00,351 It felt like I had been cooped up in that car for an eternity. 324 00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,787 I was starting to get cramps. 325 00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:07,121 Thanks, pal. 326 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:14,431 Nuts, rigor mortis. 327 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,560 And let me tell you, it's no picnic. 328 00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:20,504 Every last cell in your body goes rigid and it hurts like hell. 329 00:22:22,274 --> 00:22:25,767 They're taking me out to a piece of property I'd bought in the hills. 330 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,814 I'd planned on retiring there. 331 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,372 I just hadn't planned on doing it so soon. 332 00:22:32,484 --> 00:22:34,749 How deep you gonna make that thing? 333 00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,914 - Deep. - Well, help me get him out of the car. 334 00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:38,821 He's starting to stiffen up. 335 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,587 That's more than he ever did for me. 336 00:22:41,894 --> 00:22:43,260 Come on, come on. 337 00:22:45,831 --> 00:22:47,823 That Betty was pretty talented. 338 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:51,228 She could lie, murder and tell jokes. 339 00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:54,131 She was the comic from hell. 340 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,140 Hold it right there. Put your hands where I can see them. 341 00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:00,906 Don't shoot. 342 00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:05,080 - Lou. - Well, what do you know? 343 00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:07,016 The cavalry comes to the rescue. 344 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,421 Oh, God, what did they do to you? 345 00:23:10,489 --> 00:23:13,049 Maybe God had decided to give me a break after all. 346 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:15,651 - Put your hands back up. - What a relief. 347 00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:20,297 Like I said, being dead is certainly full of surprises. 348 00:23:20,366 --> 00:23:22,494 How the hell did you get here? 349 00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:24,594 - I followed you. - I knew it. 350 00:23:25,271 --> 00:23:26,671 Put your hands up. 351 00:23:30,609 --> 00:23:33,101 - Hello. - You've reached 911... 352 00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:34,840 Hello, can you hear me? 353 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:36,576 All our lines are currently... 354 00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:39,346 Hello, you're breaking up. This is an emergency. 355 00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:40,511 Poor Erika. 356 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:42,952 - So beautiful. - Can you hear me now? 357 00:23:43,022 --> 00:23:44,251 So loyal. 358 00:23:44,323 --> 00:23:46,554 Thank God, listen, this is an emergency. 359 00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:48,924 - So trusting. - Yes, there's been a murder. 360 00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:50,762 Erika. 361 00:23:53,165 --> 00:23:54,165 So dumb. 362 00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:56,501 Hello? 363 00:23:58,737 --> 00:24:00,706 Not again. We lost another one. 364 00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:02,140 Yes! 365 00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:06,702 - I feel much better. - Then something strange happened. 366 00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:09,180 Turned out that Betty was a hell of a shot. 367 00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,680 We're talking something the Warren Commission would have been proud of. 368 00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:16,813 That bullet killed Erika, smashed the windshield, 369 00:24:16,889 --> 00:24:20,121 tore through my chest and severed my spine. 370 00:24:21,727 --> 00:24:23,093 Look out, the car. 371 00:24:23,162 --> 00:24:25,222 - Oh, my God! - Run! Run! 372 00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:42,308 So, where was I? 373 00:24:42,381 --> 00:24:45,044 Oh, yeah, the things you learn when you die. 374 00:24:45,117 --> 00:24:47,211 Did I mention about the light yet? 375 00:24:47,286 --> 00:24:50,313 Well, I'm still waiting to see that big bright light. 376 00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:52,984 I'm beginning to think that there is no... 377 00:24:53,058 --> 00:24:56,358 Hey, wait a minute. There's a light. 378 00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:01,262 Got one in the car. Dead from the looks of it. 379 00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:03,134 Give me a hand, here. 380 00:25:08,607 --> 00:25:10,303 Well, well, well. 381 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:12,842 Here's looking at you, kids. 382 00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:22,848 Yeah, well, this whole dying thing isn't what it's cracked up to be. 383 00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:26,585 First there's all this talk about the light. Now, there's no damn light. 384 00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:28,693 It's all a bunch of crap. 385 00:25:28,761 --> 00:25:30,753 Then there's the pain and suffering. 386 00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:31,888 Ow! 387 00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:36,734 Now, that's for real. It never stops. It just gets worse. 388 00:25:36,802 --> 00:25:39,966 And in the end, all you really have to look forward to is... 389 00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:42,440 Haven't I seen this guy someplace before? 390 00:25:44,943 --> 00:25:45,943 - No. - No. 391 00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:53,808 What the hell, he'll find out soon enough. 392 00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:10,200 You know, I kind of feel sorry for Lou. 393 00:26:10,269 --> 00:26:14,502 Surely, there's got to be an easier way to get an Oscar. 394 00:26:17,543 --> 00:26:21,571 I hope my story didn't scare you too much, Mr. Hitchcock. 395 00:26:21,647 --> 00:26:24,617 Actually, I'm a very big fan of yours. 396 00:26:24,683 --> 00:26:27,983 If you want, you can tell me a story. 397 00:26:34,693 --> 00:26:37,788 I guess he knows the pecking order now. 398 00:27:15,501 --> 00:27:16,501 English -SDH